Ashes Can Lead To Better Life
by Surgery-Girl
Summary: Meredith leaves. Tragedy sends her running back home to Seattle. MerAlex.
1. Burned To The Ground

Summery: Meredith leaves. Tragedy sends her running back home to Seattle. MerAlex.

Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's Anatomy.

She stared in awe at what destruction it caused. Her once beautiful house lied in a pile of black, burned wood, furniture, and her old possessions. Her eyes scanned the mass of rubble watching as analyst sifted through the debris to rule out any foul play in the incident and to make sure the claim could be filed for insurance. Her eyes continued to look across the mess. Just ten hours ago, she was safely tucking her kids into bed. Just ten hours ago, she had somewhere to live.

"_Mama, can we go to the park tomorrow?" Her daughter asked as she yawned._

"_We'll see." She bent down and kissed her cheek. "Sleep tight."_

"_I love you, Mama." She mumbled rolling onto her side. _

"_I love you too, Baby."_

_Coco started to bark down stairs and she could hear her running across the living room._

"_Stop that, Coco." She hissed from up the stairs as she pulled the door shut to her daughter's room. Coco barked once more, let out a light whimper, and her chain made a clicking sound as she walked across the floor towards the kitchen. _

"_Mama?" Her son's voice came from his room. _

"_Coming." She called back looking down the stairs once more before walking down the hall to the other room. "Ready for bed?" He nodded throwing his covers back and jumped into bed. "Brushed your teeth?"_

"_I'm a big boy now, Mama. I brush my teeth all by myself." He said with self-pride. _

"_Well, I am very proud of you." She said pulling the covers up to his chest the way he liked it. _

"_Are we going to the park tomorrow?" He asked just as his twin sister had. _

"_We'll see." She giggled kissing his head. "Why don't we just get through tonight before we worry about tomorrow, okay?"_

"_Okay, Mama." He smiled sleepily as he rolled over. "Love you. Goodnight."_

"_I love you too. Goodnight." She said from the doorway as she pulled his door shut. _

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_She had only been asleep for two hours who the shrill of an unfamiliar sound awoke her. Quickly, she recognized it and jumped from the bed. She could hear her daughter's cries and her son's screams from down the hall. Throwing the door open, she saw them standing in their doorways screaming for her. _

"_What's going on, Mama?" They asked at the same time. _

"_We need to get out of the house. Come on. Hurry." _

_As she treaded down the stairs with her children by her side, she could fell the temperature rising. Gathering her kids in her arms, she hurried to the door. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see the bright orange flame bursting from the kitchen. Smoke floated out in all directions polluting the area they were in. She threw the door open and told the kids to run as fast as she they could to the neighbors yard who lived across the street. They did as they were told as she went further into the house. Sweat beads began to form on her forehead as she got closer to the fire._

"_Coco!" She screamed as loud as she could. "Coco!" _

_She heard nothing. A light fell as the fire spread further towards the living room. Part of the wall fell causing her to jump back. She hurried to the desk that was pushed against the wall furthest from the fire. She riffled through the papers until she found the two pictures she was looking for. Another chunk of wall came crashing down. Grabbing her bag, she ran out of the house just as the sound of sirens echoed from off in the distance. She looked back at the fire to see it spreading into the top floor and on. _

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_The fire flickered bright colors of orange and yellow. _

"_What about Coco?" _

"_Mama, what about Coco?" They screamed at her._

_Sirens blared and red, flashing lights lit the dark night sky. Neighbors crowded around to watch as her house burned. There was a loud cracking noise and the porch caved in on itself. Firefighters fled backwards a little as dust exploded from the rubble of the porch and dark smoke cloud. Her children squealed as she shielded them from the dust and flying debris. She could hear a few firefighters yell to one another as they connected the hose up. There was a loud boom and a part of the roof collapsed. The brick chimney fell and broke apart on contact. Her eyes glisten with tears as one finally crack filled the air and the whole house tumbled into a flaming pile of rubble. A cloud of smoke, debris, and dust flew up in the air and pushed out towards the street. _

"_Get down." A firefighter yelled. She pulled her kids to the ground as a hot burst of air passed over their backs. Then everything went quiet. She didn't hear the screams of the people around her or the cries of her children. She didn't hear the echoing sirens or the flicker of the blazing fire. Everything just went quiet as she looked into the fearful eyes of her children. _

_She could hear the hose spraying water on the broken house with great force. She could hear slamming doors of fire trucks. She held her eyes closed for what seemed like forever. When she opened them again, the air had settled and people were slowly standing up around her. _

"_Stay down." She said to her children as she used her arms to push herself up. Slowly she arouse to her feel awestruck at what had become of her house. Sobs began to work their way up her throat and she struggled to hold herself steady. Tears rolled down her cheeks as her children gathered themselves off the ground into the sitting position. _

"_Mama, is Coco dead?" Her daughter asked in a shaky voice that she didn't have the heart to answer. She just fell to her knees between them and pulled them close to her. _


	2. I Want To Come Home

She sat in the police station bunk rooms. Her kids were sleeping in a bunk bed, but she couldn't sleep and hadn't since the two hours she had gotten before the fire. It was mid-afternoon the day following the fire. She stared out the window watching as white puffy clouds moved across the sky casting a shadow on the sky as it passed the sun. She turned in the seat to look at her kids sleeping. Where were they supposed to go?

Her mother was dead. She hadn't talked to her father in eight years, and it had been nearly thirty since her father was sober during one of their conversations. It had been five year since she had spoken to her stepfather who had once, when she allowed him, the father she always wished her real father would be. But since she left Seattle with no more than a letter, they hadn't talked. It was her fault for not leaving a number or anyway to contact her. She often wondered weather or not he still thought of her. She wondered if weather or not her friends still thought of her. She wondered if the love of her life still thought of her. In her heart, she hoped they still did and if she ever returned they would forgive her for her sudden departure. But it had been five years without a word or a letter to any of them. At that time her stepfather, her family of friends, and the man who took her heart from her were all the family he had.

The house her mother left her before her death, when she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's left her the house she grew up in before moving to Boston after her father left their family. But when she left Seattle, she left the house to her family of friends. She had nowhere to go. Everything she had was gone. She had the money to pay for a new house, but she wasn't sure if that's what she wanted. She wasn't sure if she wanted to live in Baltimore anymore. She wasn't sure what she wanted. What she needed was a place to live. Even if she called her step-father, she wasn't sure if she could ever return to Seattle and face her path.

She turned and looked at her children asleep in a bed huddled close together. They cried. They cried for forty straight minutes until they fell asleep when she sat them down to tell them the house was gone and Coco was gone and all their toys were gone. Her eyes slowly moved to her bag. She leaned forward and slipped out the two pictures she had taken from the house before it burned to the ground. One was a picture of the twins on the swing laughing happily. One was a picture of the man who stole her heart, Alex Kerev. He was smiling with his deep dimples. His grey-green eyes sparkling with a cute little smile.

She set the pictures down on the table and looked between the two. Tear rolled down her cheeks as she took out her cell phone. She scrolled through the contacts list and paused on her step-father's number. She took a deep breath and hit the send button. Unsure if the number would be the same as it was five years before. The phone rang and continued to ring. She almost hung up when she heard his voice.

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The sound of the phone ring awoke him from his sleep. He jumped up rubbing his eyes as he turned on the light. Picking up the phone, he brought it to his ear.

"Hello?" He mumbled in a groggy voice. He fell back and waited for the person on the other line to respond. "Hello?" He repeated in a tired voice sprawling out over the empty bed.

"Richard?" She asked in a shaky voice.

"Meredith?" He asked his eyes popping open. "Meredith is that you?"

"Yeah, it is." She sniffled.

"Well it's been a long time." He said unaware to the sadness in her voice.

"I want to come home?" She said after a few seconds as she cried into her phone.

"What?"

"I want to come home. My house burned down." She cried gasping between every few words. "I have no where to go. I've missed you so much. I've missed Christina and George and Izzie… and… and Alex. And there's so much so many people know. need to But the point is… I… I want to come home."


	3. Can We Ever Go Home?

She looked down at her daughter and forced a small smile. She ran her hands down the dirty blonde curls. She looked up at her mother with the bright gray-green eyes. Madison Lynn Karev was perfect angel and a perfect mixture of her parents. Her gray-green eyes always sparkled. She a shade of hair closed to her mother's but dark blonde to light brown hair like her father's mixed in.

"Here you go, Madi." Meredith called getting her attention holding a large soft pretzel down to her. "Share it with Owen, okay?"

She nodded walking towards her brother who stood at the edge of the sandbox. He was squatted down with his elbows planted on his knees. Madi walked over holding out a piece of pretzel, but he shook his head. Madi looked back at her mother before walking towards the swings.

"What's wrong, Buddy?" Meredith asked crouching down next to him.

"Can we ever go home, Mama?" He asked.

Owen had always been the one with insight and wisdom beyond his years. He was a spitting image of his father. His father's brownish eyes blinked back at her. His medium brown hair fell into his eyes.

She brushed the hair out of his eyes and gave him a sad smile. "We're going to get a new house." She said gently.

"What about Coco?" He asked. He fell off balance into his mother's arm.

She sighed. "I'm sorry, Buddy."

"When we get a new house, can we get a new doggie?" He asked.

Meredith smiled. "I think we can do that, but…" She took a deep breath. "Things are a little complicated right now. But I promise to you everything will be okay." He smiled lightly as she kissed his cheek. "Go play, Baby. We'll talk later."

He nodded before running off to his sister. Meredith got up and sat on a bench and sighed. _"Everything will be okay, right?" She thought._

_There he was. There she was. They stood in front of her. Her arms locked around his neck. His eyes begging and pleading for her to give him a minute to explain. Ava had returned and she had her arms around her boyfriend's neck. Lipstick smeared on his cheek. _

_Blood dripped off her clothes as she back out of her room. _

"_Meredith." His voice pleaded. She shook her head as she sobbed. _

She left that night. Looking back, she wasn't sure if it was because of that or because only an hour before her mother bled out in her hands. It wasn't because she didn't love him. She loved him. She still loved him.

She watched as the twins played on the swings and slides trying to get their life back together unaware that later that day they would be boarding a plane to go to Seattle where the memories will flood into her mind. Just being in the city will change everything.

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_Seattle…_

"New attending?" Christina spat in disgust.

"That's what I said, isn't it?" Izzie sighed twirling her fork through her spaghetti.

"Just what we need an attending to… ugh… remember when Dr. Slimmer came here. He actually complained about too many surgeries." Christina groaned at the memory of listening the attending, who joined the hospital a couple months. "Who does that?"

Izzie shrugged sipping her water. "What specialty do you think he'll be in?"

"I don't know." George shrugged taking a large bite of garlic bread.

"Chief said that he won't be here for a week or so." Christina added.

"Hey," Alex said walking into the room.

"Hey." They all said looking up at him.

He slipped into a seat and threw some food onto the plate that was left there. "So you hear about the new attending?"

"Yeah, know anything?" Izzie asked leaning onto the table some.

"You're such a gossip." Christina chuckled rolling her eyes.

"Shut up." Izzie snapped.

"No, I don't." Alex sighed, shaking his head.


	4. Seattle

There was a painful feel that had settled into the pit of her stomach as she stood in the airport with her children close behind her. They talked to each other in grumbling sounding noises. She looked around waiting to find the familiar face. Every few minutes, she took in a deep breath and let out a long sigh.

Rain had fallen over the city most of that day. Puddles settled in the streets. Waterfalls of rain flooded off the roofs and pouring and splashing off the sidewalks and streets. Cars drove by splashing water up.

A car pulled in across the parking lot. The door opened and an umbrella popped up. Richard walked around the car causing Meredith to step forward a little bit. He saw her and his face lit up as he hurried across the parking lot. But he must of seen them because he stopped and his arm fell to his side as his mouth fell slightly open. She took a deep breath as he slowly drew nearer.

"Meredith… What's going on?"

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They were asleep in Richard's quest room. She walked down the stairs to see him sitting on the couch staring off into the distance. She let out a sigh and fell down beside him tucking her feet under her butt.

"Dad?" She finally said as the silence between them consumed her.

"I have grandchildren…" He said not looking at her.

"Yes…" She answered slowly as the words came from her mouth.

"Grandchildren." He repeated his expression not changing. She didn't answer thing time as she rubbed the bridge of her nose.

"Dad, I…"

"How could you not tell me?"

She looked down at her legs not answering again. "What do you want me to say? I'm sorry."

"Just tell me… everything…"

She nodded pulling her legs out from under her and sitting on the couch normally. He waited patiently as she took a couple deep breaths and continued to slowly nod.

"I love them with all my heart. Madison is my little angel. She's just the sweetest little girl ever. Owen is my little man. He's tough and sensitive all at the same time. He has wisdom beyond his years…"

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Rain fell lightly on the roof of the house. Her body shook with sobs as she curled up her body more. So many thoughts rushed through her head. What was she supposed to do or say? Where was she supposed to go or live or anything? Would her friends… he family ever accept her again? But most importantly… what would he ever say or do or think when he sees her?

Tears soaked into the cotton fabric of the bed sheets and she cried into her pillow.


	5. Unexpected Visitor

The alarm went off again causing her to absently hit the sleep button for the fifth time without breaking her gaze with the ceiling. She just laid there remembering what it used to feel like to be in Seattle. Savoring the memory of what it felt like to love and be loved. Savoring the memory of her family and friends laughing around her. Savoring the memory of what Seattle used to mean. Now, it was replaced with the feeling of uncertainty, hurt, confusion, and emptiness.

_I couldn't help but think back to the few hours leading up to my mother's arrival at the hospital. I can still remember the horrified look on Christina's face when I told her that I had a feeling. Without asking any questions about it, she advised me to go home and lay in bed or at least stay away from her for the rest of the day. I spent that hold day avoiding any surgeries or patients with massive trauma to the abdomen. The truth is that I really anticipated someone coming into the pit with a bomb in his stomach or that lightening would strike me if I left the hospital. But what happened in reality seemed much worse. For that day everything seemed to spiral out of control within a matter of hours. In a span of forty-eight hours my life crashed and I fled the city. _

The alarm pulled her from her thoughts. Reaching up, she hit the sleep button again without glancing at the time. It had to be nearing nine and the kids were probably awake driving Richard up the wall, but she couldn't bring herself to get out of bed and face what the day held for her.

"Meredith?" She heard her stepfather's voice came as he knocked on the door.

She didn't answer at first. "Meredith?"

"What?" She called back feeling like a seventeen year old again right after Richard and Ellis had gotten married, and he was trying to take on a 'fatherly' role.

"Are you getting up?"

She could tell from his voice that he was still mad that she had never told he about Owen and Madi. "Yeah."

Rubbing her eyes, she forced herself to sit up as she swung her feet over the edge. Slowly, she convinced herself to stand. Grabbing her robe, she walked out and down the stairs to find Owen and Madi playing in the living room. After hugging and kissing them each, she headed into the kitchen where Richard was cooking. He looked up giving her a smile that she couldn't tell if it was forced or not. She gave him a small smile back as she walked towards him. She wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm sorry, Dad." She said quietly.

"I know." He whispered back hugging her tightly. "I'm proud of you. Owen and Madi are amazing." She smiled as she pulled back.

"Thank you. You're a Grandpa."

"Grandpa?" He smiled. "I like it. Do I get a cool Grandpa hat?"

She laughed. "If you want."

He held out a cup of coffee which she graciously accepted by taking a long sip from.

"So…?" His voice faded. "What are you going to do?"

"About…?" Her voice drifted well aware what that they both were talking about Alex, work, where to live, and her friends… but mostly Alex.

Rubbing her forehead, she sighed. "I don't know."

He put his hand on her shoulder. "Don't worry, Mer. Everything will be fine."

She gave him a sad smile. "I've been trying to tell myself that for years."

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"Hey." He sat down across from them at lunch.

"Hey." They all mumbled at the same time.

"So heard anything new?" Izzie said folding her arm on the table.

"You have to be more specific Barbie. About what?" Christina snapped.

"About the new attending?" Izzie said.

"God you are one of them aren't you." Alex commented stuffing a fry in his mouth.

"One of who?" She asked obviously offended by the comment.

"One of the people who run the damn gossip mill around here." He clarified sitting back shaking his head. "Isobel Stevens is a gossip addict."

"Shut up, Evil Spawn." Izzie snapped before looking at George. "George? What's wrong with you? You're quiet."

George moved his gaze from the place he was blankly staring at to the group. "Nothing… Just… Nothing."

"Oh come on, Bambi. Spill your deepest darkest secret." Christina mocked.

"Shut up." He snapped. "I'm fine."

"What crawled up your butt and bit you? Bambi has an edge today." Christina laughed.

"Wait," Izzie said suspiciously studying his face. "What do you know?"

"I don't know anything." He snapped.

"It this O'Malley is just PMSing." Alex laughed. "Is it that time of the month?"

"Shut up, Alex." Izzie hissed hitting his leg. "What do you know?"

"I said I don't know anything." He stood up pushing his chair back. "I have to go."

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The doorbell rang throughout the house. They were eating spaghetti for dinner at the kitchen table.

Richard chuckled at something one of the kids had said as he stood up. "It's probably just a salesperson."

He walked out of the room. Meredith watched as the kids at their grandfather's spaghetti. They had really connected with Richard and she was really glad they had.

He opened the front door surprised to see George standing there with the nervous look he had seen him holding on his face man times over the seven years he had worked at the hospital.

"O'Malley, as I'm sure you are aware it is five o'clock and I'm eating dinner with my company. So I hope this better be good or it better wait until tomorrow."

"Sir… Is Meredith here?"

"What are you talking about, O'Malley?"

"I've heard talk that the new attending might be Meredith…"

"From who? Where did you hear this? You heard this from Stephanie right?"

"No, no sir. You know the hospital. The gossip mill and all. Someone must have come up with the idea and it spread like a wildfire fact."

Richard looked at him skeptically. "So Stephanie said nothing?"

"No, she told me nothing. I swear. I'm sorry, Dr. Webber... I didn't mean to bother you." He started to walk away down the path. "O'Malley?" He called. George stopped and turned to look at him.

"Yes, Sir?"

"Come here."

"Sir?"

"Come here. As in follow me." He turned and walked deeper into the house. George looked around confused before following him in. As he crossed the living room, he heard voices including one that he recognized but couldn't place it to a person. Richard held out his hand motioning for him to stop and continued into the kitchen. Silence fell and he could hear a few whispers then a couple footsteps before little voices continued.

He heard someone say that they would be right back. He expected Richard to reappear but instead… Meredith did.

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_**Since my last update was so short. I made this one longer. **__****_


	6. George O'Malley

It was so surreal. Meredith was there. In Seattle. And nobody knew except him. Izzie didn't know. Christina didn't know. Most importantly Alex didn't know. But he knew. George O'Malley knew. The man that Christina named Bambi knew. And didn't know what to do or say.

"Oh my god. You're actually here." He said his eyes wide with shock.

"You look really good, George."

"I just can't believe it."

Meredith stood silently playing with her hands.

"It's been such a long time." He said hugging her.

"Yeah it has. It's so good to finally see you again."

"You know Christina is going to kick you ass."

Meredith giggled nodding as George pulled back. "I have a lot of groveling to do, don't I?"

"Just a little." He chuckled.

In the five years she had been gone, he had barely changed.

"Who are you?" A voice came and Meredith turned around to see Owen standing there pointing her finger at George. George looked at him in shock before moving his eyes to Meredith.

"Owen go back into the kitchen."

"But Mama, we want you to eat with us."

"I'll be there in a few minutes."

Owen nodded and trotted back into the kitchen. Richard appeared in the doorway and whispered to Meredith that he would take the kids out for ice cream, so she wouldn't have to worry about them.

"Meredith?" George said unsure as the back door shut. "Is that your son?" She slowly nodded not meeting his eyes. "He looks exactly like…"

"I know." She shut her eyes and fell back into the couch. "He looks exactly like his father."

He turned to look at her. "You're right a lot has changed." She stayed silent. "He doesn't know. He doesn't know, Meredith." Tears rushed to her eyes. "Do you know what that will do to him?" He was almost yelling by now. He and Alex had gotten closer over the years and actually looked out for each other a lot. Tears were running off her cheeks. "Do you know what you leaving did to him?"

"Do you know what it did to me?" She screamed. "Do you know what the last five years have done to me? I'm the one in love with him. I'm the one who has been raising two children by myself. Do you think I have liked doing that to him? Doing that to them? Do you think I enjoy making them me? I would give anything to go back and change what happened, but I can't."

He looked at her in shock as she sobbed into her hands. "Two kids? As in…?"

"Yes George, as in twins. As in I was alone while I pushed two babies out of my vagina. As in I was alone while I worked my way through my residency and raised two children. I would have given anything to be able to come back and undo what I did. But it's just not that simple."

He fell down beside her. "I'm sorry that I yelled."

She nodded not saying anything at first as she sighed. "What has changed?"

"What?"

"Here. What has changed since I've been gone?"

He sighed and gave her a small smile. "A lot…"

"Tell me about it." She said putting her feet under her wiping the tears away.

"Callie and I get a divorce, but Izzie and I didn't work out. I'm dating Stephanie Kemp now. She's the hospital accountant and she's great. She was the one who told me you were the new attending. Don't tell Chief though."

"How long have you been dating?"

"A year and a half now." He smiled. "I might marry this girl, Mer."

"Aw, I'm so happy for you. What about Christina?"

"She missed you so much." Meredith smiled sadly. "She still refers to you as her person."

"She does?"

"Yeah. She got over Burke mostly because he never came back. She started dating again but it single right now. Izz is dating Josh Burginton. He's an ER doctor. They've been dating for like seven months or something. Sloan actually settled down for awhile with one girl, but when they broke up he went back to 'his old ways.' Shepherd is engaged to some girl who doesn't work in the hospital, but I don't know who it is. We aren't close with him, but Sloan is actually pretty close with us. Montgomery never came back. Tucker almost asked Bailey for a divorce, but they worked out their problems." He paused for a long time before looking at her. She knew why. Alex. Giving him a small nod, she braced herself. "Alex… He never bounced back from your leaving. For the first few months, he barely spoke to anyone and drunk a lot. People tried to set him up with some girls, but if he went out on the date he either left middle of the date or the date got him nowhere." He looked at her to find her practically sobbing. "I can stop."

She shook her head. "No… I need to hear this."

He looked unsure before reluctantly starting again. "About a year and half or two years ago he finally started hanging out with us again and going to Joe's with us. But…" His voice wavered.

She looked at him. "But what?" She asked softly

"He's just not the same."

She pulled a pillow to her face as she drew her knees to her chest. He stared at her as she broke down. Out of nowhere she started hitting the couch as hard as she could.

"I don't even know why I left." She sobbed as she wrapped her arms around her legs again. He didn't say anything. "George." She looked at him. "Don't tell anyone that I'm here. Not yet. Not until I can figure out what to do." He nodded. "I need to be alone."

"Okay." He kissed her tear soaked cheek. "I'll call you."

She nodded quickly writing her number on a sticky pad that was on the table and handed it to him. She watched him walk out and get in the car before running upstairs to the room she was staying in.


	7. The Box

She woke up early the next morning from the restless sleep she had all night. The house was silent and still dark as she made her way down the stairs. She figured everyone was still asleep since it was only four in the morning. After making a cup of coffee, she took a seat by the window watching the rain fall down from the porch. She had missed the rain. She had missed the city and all those who lived there. There had been many times over the last five years that she had wanted to pack up and come home, but something held her back. But she wasn't sure what. Every time she thought of the city or of the hospital, she remembered the happy memories, but they were clouded with those that weren't. She remembered the feeling that she had as her mother's blood sprayed out all over her. She remembered the heartbreak when she saw Ava hanging off of Alex's neck. She remembered the burn of her father slapping her across the face. She remembered the tears that she cried over every heartbreak.

_She looked up at him smiling with her arms locked around his neck. The basement was dark, quiet, and empty. He leaned down and kissed her lightly. _

"_I love you." She said lying her head down on his shoulder. _

"_I love you too."_

"Meredith?" Richard's voice came pulling her from her thoughts. He clicked on the light and looked at her. "What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same thing." She said turning towards the table. He raised an eye brow. "Couldn't sleep."

"Does that have something to do with O'Malley and yesterday's conversation with him?"  
She nodded. "I guess so."

He looked at her. "Want to talk about it?"

"What do I do, Dad? I'm so… I don't know what to do." She laid her head down on the table.

"I can't tell you what to do. You have to do this for yourself and Owen and Madi."

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She stood in front of the house. She had lived in that house twice in her life time and each time she left it broken hearted.

It looked the same as it had five years before. Her eyes swept the street before settling back on the house. Richard said that they were all at work and she held the key in her hand. But what should she do now? Slowly she walked up the driveway and up the pathway to the house. Each wooden step made a short creaking noise as she climbed them. She looked through the windows at the living room. It looked the same as it had all those years ago. She held the key out in her hand and stared at it unsure what she should do. Putting the key in the lock, she stared at it before pulling it back out. Turning slowly, she walked down the porch and back to her car.

She couldn't do it. It was too hard. It was too hard to walk into the house and remember what she left. It was too heard to be reminded of the memories that took place in that house.

She stopped when she got to the street and turned to look back at the house. So much had taken place in that house and she had just turned her back on all of it. She had turned her back on her friends and on the man she loved, and she wasn't exactly sure why.

Getting in her car, she turned the key and head off down the road.

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"Mama!" The twins screamed as she walked in the door.

"Hey guys." She smiled as she crouched down engulfing them in her arms.

"Where'd you go?" Owen asked.

"I went to go see what had changed."

"How'd it go, Mer?" Richard asked standing in the doorway. She shrugged.

"I didn't go it. I couldn't do it."

He nodded. "I need to go to the hospital." She nodded as he walked to the door. "Want to go? See what's changed? Sign your contract?"

She looked down at the kids and shook her head. "Not today. I'm not ready."

"Okay." He kissed her forehead. "I'll see you guys later." He said kissing his grandchildren's cheeks.

"Bye Grandpa." They said at the same time.

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She sat in her room staring at the box, but making no move to open it. Dust lined the top of it. The corners were tattered and smashed in. With the twins down for their nap and the house silent, she should be doing something more helpful like search for a place to live. Yet she sat there and stared at the box as if it held the cure for cancer. She pulled it closer to her wiping the dust off the top of it making a puff of dust float up. Sitting back, she looked at it for another second before pulling the top off and setting it down beside it. Hunching over it, she looked down into the box as tears formed in her eyes. Pictures, letters, and memories for her past were held in that box. Pictures of him, of her family, of her childhood, of her old life were scattered haphazardly through the box, stuck in the pages of her childhood diary, and intertwined with memories she tried so hard to forget. A picture of the five of them looked up at her. They were sitting in the living room of her mother's old house laughing, talking, and sharing stories of their day. She was cuddled into his chest with her feet behind her on the couch. He was playing with her hair without even thinking about it. Christina was sitting in the chair with her legs hanging over the arm. Izzie was sprawled out on the other couch, and George was sitting on the floor. They were all laughing when Richard snapped the picture. They looked so happy only two months before she left town.

Pushing herself past the picture, she noticed the sparkle of silver. She pulled the necklace out running her finger along the heart shaped diamond pendent. He had given it to her for her birthday six months after they started dating. She wore it all the time whenever she could. Yet, five years ago it went into a box and it hadn't seen the light of day since.

Warm tears burned her skin as if they were boiling hot. Sniffling, she wiped her face as she lifted herself off the bed and walked to her purse. Withdrawing the picture of Alex, she walked back to the bed tracing his face with her finger. She kissed it softly and threw it into the box along with all the other memories. As tears became more plentiful, she shut the box and slid it under the bed before collapsing onto the bed.


	8. Bloody Nose

_The next day…_

"Good Morning, Doctors." Richard nodded at Izzie, George, and Alex who stood on the elevator.

"Good Morning." They all muttered back.

Izzie looked at Alex and nudged him. He glared at her, but she gave him a stern look back.

Alex cleared his throat. "Ah, Chief?"

Richard looked over his shoulder at Alex. "Yes, Dr. Kerev?" He answered turning his head back to the front of the door.

"We're getting a new attending in a few days…" He said looking back at Izzie glaring at her, before turning back to Richard.

"Uh… yes. In three days."

"Oh…" His voice faded.

"What specialty will he or she be joining?" Izzie said stepping forward rolling her eyes at Alex.

Richard looked at George over his shoulder who was standing uncomfortable in the corner. Shifting his glance to Izzie, he sighed.

"Nuero." The doors dinged. He looked back at him to say something. Deciding against it, he turned and walked down the hall.

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She watched Owen and Madi passed the ball back and forth in the backyard. Madi screamed as the ball hit her face. She ran over to her mother crying holding her nose

"Owen hit my face." She cried.

"Let me see." Meredith said touching the side of her face. Madi withdrew her hands as Owen came up beside her. Meredith looked at her nose as blood flowed from her nose.

"Blood." Madi screamed when she noticed the blood.

"Calm down, Madi. Come on." Meredith said taking her hand as she stood up.

"I hate you, Owen." Madi yelled.

"Madison Ann Kerev, don't you say that." Meredith scolded. "Owen apologize to your sister."

"I'm sorry, Madi." Owen said looking at the ground.

Meredith's phone rang as they walked into the kitchen. "Hello?" She answered trying to hear over Madi's cries.

"Meredith? What's going on? Who's crying?"

"George." She sighed out as she held a wet rag to Madi's nose. "It's Madi. She got hit in the face with a ball."

"Is she okay?"

"Yeah. She just got a bloody nose. She'll be fine." Meredith looked up to see Owen sitting on the floor by the door playing with his jeans. "Hey, George, let me call you back, okay?"

"Yeah." He said. She shut the phone.

"Hold that there, Madi." Meredith said. She walked over and sat down beside Owen. "What's wrong buddy?"

"I hurt Madi." He sighed. "Now she hates me."

"She doesn't hate you." Meredith said softly.

He was just like his father in everyway. He looked just like him. He had a tough, 'I have to be strong' kind of mood and a soft, sweet, sensitive sight just like his father.

He smiled and nodded. "Alright, Mama."

Meredith kissed her head. "Let me go take care of your sister and call a friend back and we'll go get ice cream and go to the park or something." He nodded as she got up. "Let me see, Madi."

She lifted the wet paper towel from her face and looked. "Is it bad, Mama?"

"Nope, it looks fine." Meredith kissed her head as she got another wet paper towel and wiped the rest away. "All done."

"Thank you, Mama."

"Go play while I call my friend back, and we'll go get some ice cream okay?"

Madi nodded with a big smile before skipping away with her brother.

Grabbing her phone, she dialed George's number.

"Hello?" He answered.

"Georgie?"

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Sorry."

"Is she okay?

"Yeah. Thanks."

"No problem. What are you up to?"

"Nothing much. We're going to go get ice cream. Hey, do you want to go get some dinner together tonight after Richard gets home? Just the two of us."

"Yeah, definitely."

"Alright. I'll call you. When do you get off?"

"Five."

"Alright. We'll say around seven or so. You can pick a place. Anything but…"

"Chinese. I know."

"Alright. See you around, George."

"Bye, Mer."

She hung up and walked into the living room.


	9. Oh My God

It was a small restaurant on the outskirts of Seattle. It was quite awhile away, but she didn't want to risk being near the hospital. It had been five years since she had been there last but, she remembered they had the best hamburgers she had ever eaten. She drove across town lightly singing the song playing on the radio. Her phone rang. Turning down the music, she opened her phone.

"Hello?"

"Mer?" George's voice came.

"George? What's up?"

"I'm on my way out of the hospital…"

"George?" A voice came from behind him. She could tell it was Izzie.

"Bambi's talking on the phone. I'm going to tell the teacher." She could tell that it was Christina. Tears gathered in her eyes slightly.

"Get away." He said harshly. "I'm on the phone."

"With who?" She heard Izzie say.

"None of your business. Go away." George hissed. "Are you there?" He asked Meredith.

"Yeah… Um, so you're on you way?" She shut her eyes and opened them a few seconds later.

"Yeah, I'll see you soon."

"Okay." She sniffled before hanging up. Rubbing her eyes, she wiped the tears out of her eyes.

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She sipped her iced tea playing with the paper covering from the straw.

"Can I get you anything, ma'am?" The waitress asked.

"Uh, I'm waiting for someone."

The waitress smiled. "I'll be back as soon to check on you."

"Thank you." Meredith gave her a small smile before she walked away.

She watched the door of the café waiting for George. Letting out a sigh, she looked at the door wondering what was taking so long.

Her phone started to vibrate.

"Hello?" She answered.

"Meredith?" He said in a hushed tone.

"Hey, George. Where are you?"

"I didn't know what to stay."

"What are you talking about?"

"They made me come to Joe's. I don't know what to stay."

"No… it's fine. I'll… um… talk to you tomorrow."

"You sure?"

"Yeah." She wiped her eyes. "See you later."

"Bye."

She hung up and sighed.

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She walked into the house.

"Dad? Madi? Owen?" She called putting her stuff down.

"In here, Mer." Richard called.

"Hi, Mama!" Owen and Madi said as she walked into the living room. She smiled hugging them.

"Hey, guys." Meredith said kissing their heads. "What have you been up to?"

"We played Candy land." Owen cheered.

"That must have been fun. But I think it's time for bed." She said. They moaned causing Meredith and Richard giggled. "Let's go, guys." Meredith said picking up Madi.

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They got them settled into bed and went back to the living room to talk some.

"So why were you back so soon?' He asked.

"George couldn't come." She answered simply shrugging.

"Oh…"

"Did everything go okay here?"

"Yep." Richard answered. "They were both well-behaved. "I must say, Mer. You did a great job."

"Thanks." She smiled as silence fell over them.

"Mom!" Owen screamed from the top of the stairs.

"What's wrong, Baby?" She said hurrying to the bottom of the stairs.

"Something is wrong with Madi." He yelled.

Meredith looked at Richard before they both ran up the stairs.

"Where is she?" Meredith asked panicking.

Owen led them down the hall to the bathroom. On the floor lied Madi.

"Oh my god!" Meredith screamed.


	10. The Hospital

"_9-1-1 what's you're emergency."_

"My granddaughter collapsed." Richard said in a panicked voice.

"_Where are you sir?"_

"2131 Breakers Drive."

His words seemed so distant to her. Owen was crying outside the door yelling for Madi to wake up.

"Madi, can you hear me, Baby?" She asked her daughter again. She frantically felt her pulse to find it weaker than it probably should be.

"Meredith, they're sending an ambulance." Richard said. "What could it be?"

"I don't know. She doesn't have a preexisting disorder." Meredith cried.

"Okay, Mer, let's just focus on keeping her stable."

Meredith nodded wiping away her tears. Five minutes later, blue lights flashed through the windows into the house.

"The ambulance is here, Mer. I got her."

Meredith nodded as Richard lifted her little body into his arms. Standing up, Meredith looked down at Owen and picked him up.

"It's okay, Baby. Madi will be okay." Owen looked at her and nodded as she hurried down the stairs. "I'm going to ride with her. Richard, can you and Owen follow?"

Richard nodded throwing on his shoe's and putting on Owen's. Meredith climbed into the back of the ambulance as they strapped the gurney down so she wouldn't roll.

"What happened?" The paramedic asked.

Meredith took a deep breath. "I don't know. Her brother came down saying that something was wrong. We found her like this. She doesn't have a preexisting problem. And her pulse was weak."

"How old is she?"

"Four."

"Name?"

She thought for a second. _"Madison Lynn Kerev…" _"Madison Lynn Grey." She lied.

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The ambulance pulled into the pit and the doors opened. Three doctors stood. Two she didn't recognize… and Dr. Bailey.

"What do we have?" Bailey asked not noticing Meredith.

"Four year old female collapsed. She has no preexisting conditions." The paramedic said climbing out of the back of the ambulance with the gurney.

"Name?" Bailey asked as Meredith jumped out of the back. She froze.

"Madison Grey." The paramedic said.

"Uh, take her to room 2193 and page Nuero." She told the interns. Meredith started to follow, but Bailey grabbed her arm stopping her. "Meredith Grey?"

"Dr. Bailey." She answered quietly.

"When did you get here?"

"A couple days ago." Meredith answered. She saw Richard coming in the door with Owen in his Spiderman pajamas by his side.

"Meredith." Richard called.

"Excuse me." Meredith said to Dr. Bailey before hurrying over to him.

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Everything was going so fast. Like the world was spiraling around her yet she stood so still unable to catch up.

She stood outside her daughters room watching as nurses and doctors hurried to help her baby. It took on such a different meaning when it was her baby. She felt helpless as she stood outside the window. Richard had taken Owen down to the cafeteria not wanting his young eyes to see his sister like this.

"Dr. Grey?" A young intern said.

"Yes?"

"We're taking your daughter up to CT and MRI. The neurosurgeon is meeting us up there. He'll come to see you after he reads the results."

"Thank you." Meredith nodded as she turned her attention back to the room. She didn't recognize any of them. Of course with the five years that passed when she was gone, her group interns that she had left would now be fifth year residents and more interns would have come in to replace them.

She walked over to the gurney as they rolled her out and took her hand. Giving it a quick kiss, she let them wheel her away to do their jobs.

She needed to call George. He was the only one of her friends who even knew that she was in Seattle, and she needed some support.

Pulling out her phone, she dialed his number and bought it to her ear.

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Christina was laughing hysterically as she finished off her forth beer.

"Shut up." Izzie groaned throwing a peanut at her.

"Seriously, Yang, you need some help." Alex laughed taking a sip of his own beer.

"How many have you had?" Christina slurred.

"This is my first." Alex sighed.

"You're such a… a George! You're such a Bambi." Christina and Izzie laughed together.

George's phone rang. He looked at the caller id and froze for a second. "I'll be right back." Before they could say anything, he walked out of the bar. "Hello? Mer?"

"George?" She sniffled.

"Mer, what's wrong?"

"I'm at the hospital. Madi collapsed in the bathroom. They don't know what's wrong with her. They don't know what's wrong with my baby." She finally broke down.

"Okay, Mer. I'm on my way."

"Thank you, George." She sniffled.

He hung up the phone and hurried back into the bar. "I… I have to go." He said grabbing his coat.

"What's got your panties in a bunch, Bambi?" Christina laughed.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow." He said before hurrying out of the bar leaving the four friends confused.


	11. Diagnosis

He hurried to his car fumbling with his keys.

"O'Malley? You sure you should drive?" Joe asked coming to the door.

"Yeah, Joe, I'm fine." George answered opening the door to his car. "See you later, Joe." He called slamming his door.

Watching with an unsure look, Joe sighed before turning to head back into the bar. Something wasn't right. His bartender instinct never lied to him.

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He ran down the hall. His half-off jacket flopped behind him as he struggled to get it off. Nurses and doctors dodged his mad run and watched curiously as he disappeared around the corners. As she came into sight, worry for the small girl he barely knew washed over him. He wasn't sure why the worry washed over so fast. He had never spoken to the young girl. He had barely ever seen her. Maybe it was because he was the only one who knew the secret. Maybe it was because Alex didn't know about her and couldn't be there. He wasn't quite sure what it was. It could have been the fact that she was Meredith's daughter. Meredith was his family making the young girl his family too.

"Mer?" He panted. She looked at him with tear-filled eyes. "What do we know?"

"Nothing…" She sniffled. "They have her into CT."

"Alright, let's wait to see what they say before we freak out, okay?"

She slowly nodded and sat down at the nurses' station. "Thank you for coming, George."

"I wouldn't rather be anywhere else, Mer."

"Dr. Grey?" A nurse said cautiously. Her eyes traveled up from her hands the nurse's face.

"Yes?"

"We're bringing your daughter to room 4321, if you would like to…"

Nodding, Meredith pulled herself to her feet. George took her arm and they headed down the hall.

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They sat in her room in silence. Meredith clutched her daughter's hand with one hand and George's with the other.

"Where the hell is the damn doctor?" Meredith asked agitated.

"Calm down, Mer. It's only been ten minutes."

"That's nine minutes too long."

Standing up, she brushed the hairs out of Madi's face. The door opened. Meredith and George looked up. Derek walked in looking down at the chart. Glancing over at George who winced slightly, she turned her eyes back to Derek. He looked the same as he had five years ago. His dark hair was starting to gray slightly around the ears, but he didn't look any older.

As he closed the chart, he looked up about the same something. Meredith stared at him expectantly, but he just stood there with his mouth open.

"Meredith?" He breathed out.

"What's wrong with Madi?" She asked with worry in her voice.

"What are you doing here? I mean… I didn't think you would ever come back." He continued to stutter on.

Ignoring his questions, she crossed her arms across her chest. "Dr. Shepherd, my daughter… What's wrong with her?"

"Your daughter?" He asked his eyes traveling to the bed. "So this is your daughter."

"Dr. Shepherd!" She almost yelled.

He sighed. "Sorry. I'm just a little shocked. It's not everyday that I walk into my patient's room to find the former love of my life."

Meredith rolled her eyes at him waiting for him to get to the part where he said the Madi was fine and that she just passed out because of something minor. He opened the chart and read it over again. Before looking up at her again. She could see it on his face. She could see it as if it was written across his forehead. Madi was not fine. Tears collected in the rim of her eyes as she took Madi's hand again.

"She had a brain tumor, Meredith."

The words hit her like a ton of bricks knocking the wind right out of her. It felt like someone was standing over her stabbing her in the chest. Her breath became short and she couldn't hear George telling her to breathe or see Derek's sympathetic face. Tears flowed freely from her eyes as she stumbled back into the seat beside the bed.

"Meredith?" George's voice started to get clearer as she caught her breath. "Breathe, Mer. Breathe."

She looked at him with a horrified face. Before her eyes returned to Madi. Her baby girl. She was so young and innocent.

"Meredith?" Derek's voice interrupted her. Slowly her eyes came to his. "It's a myxopapillary ependymoma tumor and it's not in a risky spot."

"Is it benign or… malignant?" She choked out afraid of the answer. George gave her hand a slight hand squeeze.

"I think it is benign. It looks like it's confined to one region."

She nodded slowly. "Let me see the scan."

"Meredith…" Derek said in an unsure tone.

"Let me see the scan." She repeated more sternly.

He nodded holding out a large envelope that contain the young girl's CT scan results. She held them up to the light and studied them for what seemed like forever before handing them back to Derek.

Taking a deep breath, she looked back at him. "Are you doing surgery?"

"I think it would be best."

Meredith's eyes went back to Madi and nodded. "Yeah."

"I'll schedule it for as soon as possible." Derek answered before walking to the door. "I'm really sorry, Meredith."

With that, he opened the door to find Richard and a sleeping small boy in his arms. Giving a small nod to his boss, he disappeared down the hall. Richard slipped into the room sending a small nod at George.

"I'm just going to wait outside, Mer." George said quietly kissing her cheek. After receiving a nod, he too disappeared out of the door.

Richard looked at his stepdaughter as she cried looking at her own daughter. Standing up, she ran her hand over Madi's soft cheek. More tears flowed off her cheeks.

"I'm so sorry, Madi." She kept quietly saying over and over.

After laying Owen down in one of the chairs, he walked over to Meredith and touched her lightly. She looked at him and wrapped her arms around him. Wrapping his arms around her rubbing her back light, he laid his head down on his head down on top of hers. Her body began to shake with sobs.


	12. Memories

She couldn't sleep. Richard finally went home with Owen at around one in the morning. Derek came back before he left for the night to tell her that they had surgery scheduled for the next day at eleven. George eventually went home as well. The hospital was quiet. Most people were either sleeping or trying to finish up clerical work while patients slept. The only sound she could hear was the faint sound of air being pumped into the oxygen mask that covered most of her small daughter's face and the steady beep of the heart monitor.

Her mind played like a movie reel that wouldn't stop. Memories from Seattle. Memories of her children playing in the yard. Tears eventually dried up and were no longer able to be produced, but the feeling was still there. Her eyes wouldn't be removed from the small child's face.

"_Meredith!" Christina's voice came. _

_Groaning, she rolled over in bed. "I don't want to get up."_

"_You don't have that much of a choice, now do you?" Her voice sharp and harsh as she kicked the door. _

"_Why do you have to torture me?" She whined sitting up. "I'm not going to work today."_

"_Oh god, please don't tell me you have a feeling." She picked the lock and walked in. _

"_Stop making fun of me!" She snapped. "I just want to be alone today."_

"_What did Evil Spawn do? I can castrate him."_

"_He didn't do anything." She said rolling her eyes as she flopped back and pulled a pillow over her face. _

"_Then what the hell is it?"_

"_Nothing. I just can't work today. I'm not… I have a feeling that everything is going to go wrong today. That something is going to change today." She looked at her friend with a look somewhere between scared and sincere. _

"_Who cares? Things change all the time." She jumped on the bed. "Now get your ass out of bed before we are late." She kicked her butt until Meredith rolled out of bed and began changing. _

_----------_

"_Hey." Alex smiled as she walked up beside him. _

"_Hey." She said pulling back from a kiss. "How was being on-call?"_

"_How was the bed last night?" He asked kissing her again. _

"_Lonely."_

_He smiled. "Up for a cup of coffee."_

"_I would love on." She smiled at him. "You didn't answer me."_

"_Huh?"_

"_How was…"_

She shook the thought of that day from her head as she looked at her daughter more intently.

"_Look, Mommy! Watch me dance." Madi's voice called. _

_Peeking around the corner from the kitchen, she giggled as Madi hit the play button on her Barbie CD player and a weird mixture of piano came out in a playful tone. _

"_Sit down, Mommy. I've been practicing real hard."_

_Letting out another giggle, she sat down on the couch and watched her daughter as she began doing a funny array of different ballet moves that had nothing to do with the music. Madi smiled the whole way through and took a bow as Meredith clapped at the end. _

"_You're getting really good, Madi." _

"_Can I be a ballerina for Halloween, Mama?"_

"_You can be whatever you'd like." Meredith answered kissing her cheek. _

"_Mama!" Owen called walking in. "Can I be a doctor for Halloween? Like you and Daddy."_

Tears came to her eyes. Of course she had told them about their father. She had answered every question, told them stories, and showed them pictures about him and her old life. They had grown very attached to him even though they had never met him. They loved hearing stories about him and talked about him often. They each had their own picture of him that they both held near and dear to their hearts.

"How could I have let this happen?" She cried.


	13. Confession

"What's wrong with Bambi?" Christina asked Izzie as they walked into the hospital.

Izzie looked at George, who was playing with his hands and lost in his thoughts. Shrugging, she looked back at Alex for answered.

"He's a big boy. He doesn't need you digging into all his business." Alex said in response to Izzie's look.

"But we're so good at it." Christina smirked.

"Do you know or not?" Izzie snapped at Alex.

"Nope." He answered.

"George?" Izzie said walking ahead to be beside George.

George jumped and whipped his head over to her. "What?"

"What the hell is wrong with you?" She said bluntly.

"Nothing. Why does something always have to be wrong?" He snapped a little out of character as they stopped in front of the elevator.

"Oh, Bambi grew some stones." Christina laughed receiving a glare from George.

"Did something happen between you and Stephanie or something?" Izzie continued to poke her head into George's business.

"Nothing happened cause there's nothing wrong, so just leave it."

They got onto the elevator in silence. "Hold it!" A voice came. Izzie stuck her foot out and stopped the doors from closing as Richard appeared with Owen asleep on his shoulder. "Thanks." He turned to the doors as everyone else moved back staring curiously at the sleeping boy. George stepped forward to Richard's side.

"How is she doing?"

"I haven't been up there yet." Richard sighed. "From what I was told surgery is today at eleven."

George looked at his watch and nodded. "If it's alright, sir, I want to be there…"

"Yeah. It's fine."

"Thank you." He looked at Owen and smiled lightly at Richard as the doors open. "Will you have me paged if there's any change?"

"Yeah. Thanks O'Malley."

George nodded as Richard got off the elevator. The doors closed and his friends looked at him expectantly.

"It was about a patient." He said after a short pause.

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Her eyes opened slowly as the door opened.

"Mer?" Richard whispered.

She yawned. "Dad?"

"Did you get any sleep last night?" He asked.

"A little." She looked up at her daughter. "What time is it?"

"Five-thirty. How are you holding up?"

"I still can't believe my baby has a tumor." Her voice was disbelieving even as she said it. Stroking Madi's small hand, she leaned forward and kissed her cheek. "Where's Owen?" She asked as she sat back.

"Sleeping at daycare. He's really amazing, Mer."

She smiled. "They are both so amazing." A few tears rolled off her cheeks as she looked at Richard. "They ask about their father a lot. They always want to know more." She sniffled smiling sadly. "They always want to know more about who he is. How can I be so… cruel? They deserve a father, but I was scare." She sniffled. "I was so scared that I would get hurt or they would get hurt. And yet I knew he would never hurt them. I don't even know why I left. Mom died and Ava was there hanging off of Alex. I didn't know what to do. What the hell is wrong with me, Dad? I… I… I…" She sobbed.

Richard wrapped his arms around her. "There is nothing wrong with you. You were protected them. And when this is all over, you can talk to him. And you can work this thing out."

She looked up at him. "You think that he would ever…" She sniffled. "Ever love them?"

"Mer, you'll be surprised what you find if you talk to him."

She sat back and looked at him. "I still love him, Dad."


	14. Screwed

"George? If you aren't going to listen, then let me know so we can save our breath." Izzie pointed out.

"Sorry. What? I'm just distracted by a… patient." He lied.

"Whatever." She sighed.

"What time is it?" He asked.

"Almost eight. Why?"

"No reason. Just want to be sure what time it is." He shrugged.

"Dr. Stevens." Olivia said coming up beside George.

"Yes, Olivia?"

"We have a new admission from last night going into surgery with Dr. Shepherd today at eleven. One of the other nurses is having trouble getting a line. Could you…?"

"That's, ah, my case." George cut in. "I'll do it."

"Oh, sorry, Dr. O'Malley. I wasn't aware."

George smiled and nodded. "It's fine. I'll be right there."

"Thank you." She scurried away.

"George! I really needed that surgery!"

"Izz, you're not even a neurosurgeon."

"Neither are you!"

He rolled his eyes. "I was paged here last night. I was here and Shepherd needed someone to get a CT for this patient. I did it. Plus I'm a general surgeon which is so much closer to neurosurgery than pediatrics."

"Whatever, George. I'll go back to my patients. None of which need surgery today."

"Isn't that a good thing?" He called as she walked away. She stopped, looked back, and nodded.

"I guess."

He shook his head before walking off.

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He knocked on the door.

"Come in." Meredith called. He opened the door and walked in to find Madi awake, Richard by Meredith's side, and a small boy sitting on the floor.

"Good Morning, everybody."

"Hey, George." Meredith gave him a sad smile. "Madi, Owen this is George. George these are my kids, Madison Lynn and Alexander Owen Kerev. Madi and Owen for short." She gave him a sad look.

"It's so good to meet you." George smiled. "I wish we were meeting under better circumstances though."

"Hi, George." Madi said weakly.

"Mama told us about you." Owen said.

"She has?" Owen nodded. "I hope only good things."

Meredith giggled. "Yeah only good things, George."

"Well, I came to get the IV in Madi. Is that alright with you, Madi?"

"Is it of going to hurt?" She asked sadly.

"A little. I'm sorry, but it's really important."

Madi nodded. "Thank you."

George smiled as he gathered the things he needed. "How are you guys holding up?"

"Doing our best." Richard answered.

Meredith nodded forcing a small smile. "Thank you for doing this, George."

"It's no problem."

"Still, thank you."

"Your welcome, Mer." He finished putting in the IV while making small talk with Madi. "I'll come back to check on you guys in a little bit."

"George, can I talk to you?"

"Yeah, of course."

"I'll be right back." She said patting Richard's knee as he stood up.

"Take your time." He knew what she was going to talk to George about. Of course he knew. George probably knew too.

George led her to the on-call room closest to Madi's room. She paced the room while he sat down on the bed.

"What's up, Mer?"

"Is he here?" She asked after a few seconds in a quiet voice. Everyone knew who the 'he' was.

"Mer, you need to worry about Madi."

"Is he here?" She asked a little more sternly. George took a deep breath. "George, I need to know what I'm up against today. I need to know. So, please, tell me."

"Yes." He sighed. "He's here. He's up in surgery right now, but…"

"But what?"

"But if all goes well, he'll be out in three or four hours."

Meredith eyes grew wide. "When Madi's on the board."

"When Madi's on the OR board."

"George… I lied." She said after a few minutes.

"You… lied?" She nodded. "About what?"

"Madi's name isn't going on down in her medical records as Kerev."

"What?"

"I told them that her last name is Grey." She winced. "I freaked."

"Mer, it's fine. It's not illegal as far as I know."

She nodded. "I'm so screwed, George. No. I am beyond screwed. Right now… I would be blessed if I were screwed."

"I'm sorry, Mer."


	15. Grey? It Couldn't Be

She watched as a couple of nurses got Madi ready to be moved to the operating room. Derek stood in the corner of the room silent holding her chart. His hair was pulled back under his ferry boat surgical cap. Richard held Owen close by his side. Owen watched confused as the prepared his sister for surgery. George didn't stand far away either ready to do whatever needed to bed done. Meredith moved closer to the bed and took Madi's small hand.

"Is it going to hurt?" Madi asked looking up at her mother with fearful eyes.

"No, Sweetie. It's going to be just fine." She leaned down and kissed her cheek. "I promise. I love you, Baby-Girl." Tears threatened to fall, but she tried with all her might to keep them at bay.

"I love you too, Mama." She yawned lightly.

"Don't worry. It will be all better soon."

Madi gave her a light smile. "Okay, Mommy."

"Ready, Dr. Grey?"

She kissed Madi one more time before giving a short nod. Tears rolled off her cheeks as George pulled her into a hug, but Meredith's eyes didn't leave Madi. Once Madi disappeared, she collapsed into George's chest. Owen hurried over and wrapped his arms around Meredith's legs. She fell to her knees and pulled Owen into a hug.

"It's going to be okay." He said still not understanding what was really happening.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Did you hear about the new admission from last night?" A nurse not too far away from her said.

"We have dozens of new admissions a day, Martha. Be more specific." The other one answered.

"Shepherd's patient on the OR. Get this… her name is Grey."

Christina lifted her head from the chart.

"So?"

"Oh, I keep forgetting that you weren't here five years ago. Meredith Grey was a surgical intern here five years ago." Martha laughed at the memories. "Oh, the fun we had."

"So she's back?"

"I don't know. All I know is there's a patient here with the last name Grey and the Chief is particularly interested. Which makes sense seeing as she was his stepdaughter or more like his daughter the way he treated her."

"Hey…" Someone's voice came from beside her.

Christina jumped and looked at Alex. "Ah… Alex… Hey." She glanced back at the two nurses to find them whispering inaudible to her.

"What's wrong with you, Yang?"

"Nothing, Evil Spawn." She answered defensively. "I have to go."

Alex looked confusedly at her before shrugging and walking off.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This was crazy. Meredith Grey couldn't be back in Seattle. Could she? She would call. She would at least make her presence known to one person.

She walked hurriedly down the hall until she made it to the OR board. Her eyes scanned down the lines until it settled on the name she was looking for.

_Grey, Madison… Shepherd… OR3_

Her heart stopped. Maybe it was a different Grey. She wasn't going to get her hopes up. She didn't have hopes that Meredith would return anytime soon, if at all. Nobody even knew why she left. She was happy then the next thing they all knew Ava came back, her mother died, and she packed her bags. Nobody, not even her own stepfather, heard from her again.

Turning she walked towards the nursing station.

"I need the room number for Madison Grey."

"Sorry, Dr. Yang, I'm not allowed to give that information out."

"I'm a doctor."

"I know, but the chief has us under strict confidentiality. Need to know basis."

Christina sighed. "This is a need to know. Dr. Bailey wanted me to get some history about the patient from the mother."

The nurse contemplated. "Fine… Just don't get me in trouble… 2l93."

"Thanks."

Christina turned and hurried away.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Has anyone seen O'Malley?" Alex said in an annoyed tone.

"Nope." Izzie answered without looking up.

"Sorry, Alex." Izzie's boyfriend, Josh, said.

"He dumped his patients on me."

"Sucks to be you." Izzie smiled before kissing Josh's cheek. "See you later, Babe. I've got surgery."

"Bye." He smiled watching her walk off.

Alex sighed. "Damn O'Malley."


	16. Christina Yang

Meredith was staring blankly at the clock in hopes it would move time faster

Meredith was staring blankly at the clock in hopes it would move time faster. She had finally convinced Richard that they would be okay long enough for him to answer a page or two. George was keeping Owen occupied playing on the ground. Owen had been getting sleepy, so Richard had pulled some strings and reserved them a two bed room without any chances of a roommate.

"Mer, Owen is practically falling asleep on his feet. Should I…?'

"Yeah. Please."

"No problem." He smiled and helped Owen into the bed. He made sure he was comfortable. Meredith got up and kissed his cheek.

"Mommy, will Madi be okay?"

"She's going to be just fine, Sweetheart."

"Good." He smiled before rolling over and quickly drifting to sleep. Once Meredith was sure he was safe, she returned to the seat and resumed staring at the clock.

"Mer?" George's voice came. "You need to stop staring at the clock."

"I can't. I've tried. I just… can't."

"She's going to be fine."

"I keep trying to tell myself that too." She whispered.

"She will be. You just have to give Shepherd some time. He's the best."

"I know." She rested her head on his shoulder. "Thank you for being her George. I don't know what I would do without you."

"I want to be here."

"Well, thank you."

He smiled. "You're welcome…" Silence hung in the air for a few seconds until he worked up the courage to ask her about Alex. "Mer?"

"Hmm?"

"What are you going to do about Alex?... I mean if you don't want to talk about him. That's fine. I mean…"

"No, you're doing this for me…" She took a deep breath. "I don't know what I'm going to do. When I came here, I was planning just to do what needs to be done. But then this happened… And you know, after all this time, I still think about him all the time. I still miss him… I still…" She swallowed hard. "I still love him, George."

George looked in shock at her for a second. "He still loves you. Are you going to tell him about Owen and Madi?"

"I think I have to."

Before George could say anything the door opened. Both expected Richard or a nurse, but Christina appeared with a shocked expression.

"Oh my god." She sighed out. Meredith sat up unsure if that was a good or bad 'oh my god.' "Meredith."

"Uh… Hey Christina." She stood up looking unsurely at her person.

"Hey." Christina said still obviously in shock.

"I know this is a shock… But…" Before she could say anything, out of nowhere, Christina hugged her. It took her by surprise but returned the hug.

"Thank the lord you're back." She said before pulling back. "Are you stay?"

Meredith smiled nodding. "I missed you, Christina."

"My person is back." She smiled. "Don't tell anyone I hugged you."

Meredith giggled. "Never."

"Now, Evil Spawn can finally stop sulking, and we can be…" She glanced over Meredith shoulder. "Oh my god."

"What?"

"Did someone clone Evil Spawn?"

"Ah, Christina…" She shifted nervously. Christina had been out of character happy to see her, but she didn't know about the kids. She wasn't sure how they would react. "That's my son…"

"You have a son… with Alex?" She said with wide eyes.


	17. Mark Sloan

She shifted nervously watching her person take it all in through tear lined eyes, but she didn't try to explain herself figuring that is Christina wanted one she would let her know

She shifted nervously watching her person take it all in through tear lined eyes, but she didn't try to explain herself figuring that if Christina wanted one she would let her know.

"I assume he doesn't know." She said her voice almost distant. Slowly, Meredith nodded. "How could you leave and have Alex's kid and not tell anyone?" Her eyes moved to George. "And you knew? And you didn't tell us?"

"He just found out." Meredith quickly said. She didn't want George to lose his friends because of her. "Christina, you have to understand I didn't want to hurt you or… or anyone."

"Except for Alex…" Her voice had turned somewhat cold and harsh.

"No… Christina, it's not like that."

"What is it then, Meredith? Cause that's what it seems like."

"I don't know, okay? I was scared and hurt… I don't know." She fell back in the chair trying to hold back the tears.

"Don't you dare cry." Her voice was stern. "You don't get to cry. You're not the hurt one in this story."

"Christina…"

"Alex loves you. Evil Spawn settled down for you." She backed towards the door. Meredith could tell that it wasn't just the thing with Alex that made Christina turn cold. "It took him three years to get where he is now. What the hell were you thinking?"

Meredith didn't have the energy or effort to fight. She didn't have the strength to stand her ground. She felt like the lone soldier trying to hold her ground while and army attacked her. And before she knew it, Christina was gone.

She couldn't breathe. It felt like the walls were closing in on her stealing the breath from her lungs.

"I can't breathe." She cried. "I need air."

"I'll watch Owen." George quickly offered.

Meredith nodded and mumbled a quick thank you before running out. She didn't care anymore. Reality had finally hit when Christina, her person, said those words. Christina Yang the person who vowed to be there for her was the one who told her the crushing truth. She ran up the stairs taking two at a time until she reached the roof. When she pushed the door open cold air rushed in. But it didn't stop her from walking out to the ledge. She took deep breaths as sobs shook her body.

The truth was that she crushed all the people she ever loved. She burned too many bridges and, now, she didn't think she could get back across.

--

She returned to Madi's room to find Richard waiting. Owen and George were gone.

"Dad? Where's Owen?" She asked.

"He's with George getting some ice cream." He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "He told me about Christina."

"She's right. I broke him. I broke everyone I've ever loved. I left my life behind for what? A house and a crappy job where I was never happy enough to get any friends."

"You don't know…"

"I hurt him. I love him and I hurt him. Who does that? Who the hell is that… twisted?" She sobbed. "Who the hell does something like that?"

"Meredith, you can't break down now. Madi needs you."

"I can't do it anymore, Dad! I can't breathe. I can't… It's been so hard over the last five years. It's so hard to be back, but seeing what I've done… kills me."

Richard pulled her into a hug. "Sh… concentrate on Madi right now. Everything else can wait."

She sobbed into his shoulder for a long time before pulling back. "Thank you, Dad."

--

Madi had been in surgery an hour and a half. Meredith had hardly left the room. She finally convinced Richard to go get some lunch from Joe's by saying she was hungry. The truth was that she wasn't hungry. She wouldn't be able to eat if she was. George had taken Owen to lunch at a pizza place around the corner. Meredith trusted George with her son and they both seemed to get a connection going.

Standing up, she finally convinced herself to get herself some coffee. Slowly, she made her way to the cafeteria hoping that she wouldn't run into each other even though her arrival was all over the hospital. She made it to the cafeteria without being stopped. Being to preoccupied with her thoughts, she didn't notice anyone sitting at the tables.

"Well, well, well…" A voice came. She glanced over her shoulder at Mark. "I heard that my fellow dirty mistress was back."

"Yeah, well…" She sighed as she paid for her coffee.

Mark's face softened greatly when he saw the look on her face. How tired, how worried, and how pained she looked. "I heard about your daughter. I'm really sorry."

"I'm glad that within the two days I've been in this hospital the gossip mill has started back up about the latest and juiciest stories of Meredith Grey."

"You always were an interesting topic." He chuckled. "Care to sit?"

She nodded hesitantly. "Only for a few minutes… How have you been, Sloan?"

"Good. Things have been a lot duller since you left. I missed my drinking buddy."

"Aw, you missed me. How sweet."

"Don't let it get out that I actually care about another person."

"I don't have the energy to gossip much these days."

"What's gone on with you since you left?"

"Nothing… well, besides the two kids thing and the lonely thing and they guilt thing… well you know there's a lot of things."

"I'm glad your back."

"I'm not sure how I feel let. I've burned quite a few bridges, haven't I?"

"A few, but nothing that can't be fixed."

"Well, Sloan, I do believe you are officially the only one who hasn't yelled or been mad at me once since I got back." She sighed.

"Don't worry about them."

"It's hard not to." Her eyes scanned the cafeteria and settled on the door. She wasn't sure why, but she could tear her eyes away as if she were waiting for Alex to walk through the door and kiss her like he used to. After a second, she remembered that it wasn't the same as it was five years ago and returned her eyes to Mark. "It's hard to believe it's been five years."

"You can say that again." He said shaking his head as he sipped his coffee.

Her eyes moved around the area again when a sight near the door caught her eye…


	18. Out Of Surgery

"Meredith

"Meredith?" Mark said trying to get her attention. Her eyes remained glued where they were. He turned to follow her eyes. About fifty feet away stood Alex. He was just as frozen as Meredith. "This isn't good." He mumbled to himself.

Tears quickly filled her eyes as she tried to move to her feet. But she couldn't find the strength.

"Meredith?" Richard's voice came. She slowly nodded but didn't look away from Alex. "It's Madi. She's out of surgery." Meredith's head whipped around to look at Richard.

"Is she alright?"

"Shepherd is looking for you."

Fear crossed her face as she forced thoughts of Alex out. She quickly stood up, glanced at Mark then Alex, before turning and hurrying out with Richard.

--

"Dr. Shepherd." She breathed out as she came into the recovery room.

"Meredith." He turned to look at her.

"Derek, how's my baby?" She quickly asked taking Madi's hand.

"We were able to remove all the tumor. Time will tell, but I'm expecting a full recovery."

"But she will… You think she will be okay, right?"

"I'm very good at what I do."

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd." She said kissing her daughter's cheek.

Derek smiled and let himself out. Richard hugged Meredith tightly. "She's going to be fine, Mer."

"I know, Dad."

The door opened and George stood there panting with Owen in his arms. "Mer, I got here as soon as I got your guys' page. How is she?"

"She's doing fine." Richard answered with a smile.

"Mommy, is Madi all better?" Owen asked sheepishly.

Meredith took her son from George's arms and hugged him tightly. "Yes, Baby. She's doing much better."

"Is there anything I can do, Mer?" George asked.

"No, I'm fine." She looked down at Madi. "As long as they're fine. I'm fine."

It wasn't the truth. She had just seen the love of her life for the first time in years. But she didn't need them worrying about her so soon after Madi got out of surgery.

--

"Oh my god." Izzie said sitting across from her friends at the lunch table. Christina sat angrily stabbing her salad. Alex, on the other hand, was in complete shock sitting slumped over in his seat staring out in the distance as he bit his finger. Nobody could read his face. "Does George know?"

"He's a traitor. He's been hanging out with her all along." Christina snapped bitterly.

"What? George wouldn't keep something like that from us." Izzie objected. "Wait. How do you know?"

"I saw her earlier." Though Christina was furious at Meredith, she wouldn't tell her secret. It wasn't because she felt she owed her something or because she thought she deserved secrecy when it was her fault that Alex was the way her was. Meredith once was her person and probably still was if she was completely honest. But in the end, Alex didn't deserve this. Christina knew that no matter how hard it was to admit she was as much part of their family as Izzie is or Meredith once was.

"You saw her, and you didn't tell us!" Izzie screeched.

"Yes, Barbie, I did. Shock, shock Bambi and I can keep a secret too."

"Why wouldn't she come see us?"

"I don't know." Christina shook her head rubbing her eyes.

Izzie looked over at Alex to find him still staring off into the distance. He was frozen in the same position unfazed by the women's conversation.

"Alex? Alex?" Izzie said trying to pull him from his daze. "Alex!" When he didn't respond, she shook his shoulders lightly. Slowly, his eyes moved to meet hers. "Are you okay?"

He stood up abruptly and walked away leaving Izzie and Christina puzzled.

He couldn't believe it. After five long years, she was back. He wasn't sure what he felt. Shock was the first and foremost emotion. But once that started to subside, he felt happiness, confusion, and so many more jumbled up feelings that he couldn't quite sort out.

He walked through the hospital in a daze unsure what to do from there. Pushing the on-call room door open, he collapsed on the bed hoping that he could collect himself. He stared up at the bottom of the top bunk trying to remember what had made Meredith leave Seattle in the first place. What was it that forced her to leave her home, their love, and everything behind?

_His pager went off just as he exited the patient's room. Groaning, he looked down at it. With only ten minutes left in his shift, he didn't want to be bothered with a trauma or whatever that page had in store for him. He had to find Meredith. Ellis had come into the hospital earlier that day. He didn't know why since Meredith stayed in her mother's room all day, and he hadn't got a chance to talk to her._

_Stopping at the nurses' station, he was told that he was needed in the on-call room. Thinking it was Meredith, he happily complied, feeling a little relieved that wouldn't have to hunt her down. But when he pushed the door open, he didn't see Meredith. Instead Ava… or Rebecca stood before him. _

"_What are you doing here?"_

"_I left him, Alex. I divorced my husband." A smile stretched across her face as she took a step closer. _

"_You divorced your husband? And you come here?" _

"_We can be together." She stepped closer as he stepped back._

"_Ava… Rebecca, we can't be together."_

"_Why not?" She asked with a small smirk._

"_Because…" He sighed. "I'm in love with someone else."_

"_No, your not." He had never seen her like this. "You just need to remember."_

_Before he knew what was going on, her arms were around his neck, and her lips were on his. He felt nothing. All he thought about was Meredith. He pulled his lips away. Just as he was about to say something and push her off of him, the door flew open. Meredith stood before them as tears rolled off her cheeks. Her scrubs covered in blood. He pushed her off and went to comfort his girlfriend, but Meredith was already gone. _


	19. Talk?

She had been sitting in Madi's room for what seemed like forever too preoccupied with thoughts of Alex to realized George standing in the doorway

She had been sitting in Madi's room for what seemed like forever too preoccupied with thoughts of Alex to realized George standing in the doorway. When her eyes finally did move from her daughter's face, she gave him a soft, forced smile that came out more as a twisted grimace. Rubbing her daughter's hand, she stood up and walked out into the hall with him to allow Madi to sleep undisturbed.

"Hey." She sighed as he pulled her in for a comforting hug.

"Hey."

"Dad has Owen. I don't want him to see Madi like this."

"That's really good, Mer. How are you?"

"I'm scared as hell." She admitted not having the strength to lie and say she was fine. "I scared for my baby. I'm scared because I'm here and Alex is here. I scared because everybody but you and Richard hate me."

"They don't hate you, Mer."

"They have every right to. It's my fault. I left. I made the mistake. Now, I'm paying for it."

"As long as you recognize it as a mistake then… you can rebuild what we all had."

"But I have kids, George." She whispered looking at him with tear-filled eyes.

"Wonderful kids, who are happy. Who love you. Whose father will love them." He pulled her in to another hug. She buried her head into his shoulder as a few tears rolled off of them.

"I don't want them to get hurt."

"I've known Alex for a long time. If I know anything, I know he loves you and he will love Madi and Owen." She just nodded. "Mer?" He said in a couple of minutes. "Why'd you leave?"

"I'm not ready to talk about it." She whispered. "Not until I talk to Alex."

"Okay." He kissed her cheek.

--

She wasn't quiet sure why she was there or how she ended up there. George sat with Madi, who probably wouldn't be awake until the next day, and she headed out to drive around for no reason other than to get away from the hospital that held as many memories as there were sick people. Somehow, she ended up sitting on the porch of the only place that held more memories than that hospital: the house she had lived in and left so many times.

Using her legs, she swayed slightly listening to the crickets. Night had settled, and behind clouds stars twinkled. What she was going to say, she didn't know. Staring up at the sky, she couldn't help but wonder what made her leave Seattle and what kept her away. It wasn't that she didn't love Alex, because she did with all of her heart. Before she could ponder it any further, she saw the headlights coming down the street and turned into the driveway.

Someone was sitting on the porch. He didn't know who. It couldn't be Izzie since she was on-call. George could have forgotten his key as he did on occasion, but he didn't think he'd be home since he spent most nights with Samantha. Shrugging to himself, he pushed the door open and got out. The person didn't move or call to him as the door slammed behind him and he started up the hill to the porch. As he drew closer, the more evident that the person wasn't George. Coming up the stairs, he got the first glance of who it was. Shocked to find her of all people there, he made his way up the steps without removing her eyes from her. She pulled herself to her feet as he stood on the porch.

"Can we talk?" She asked after a few minutes of silence and staring.


	20. The Talk part 1

Awkward silence hung in the air as he set his things down. She walked further in the house and glanced around. It looked exactly the same as it always had. A small smile kept across her lips as she walked to the mantle. The picture of her mother and one of her as a little kid still sat there. She picked up the last picture. It was taken not long after Meredith and Alex started dating. She remembered that day perfectly.

"_Can you believe it?" Izzie chirped as they walked out of the hospital. It was late in the evening, and the sun was just starting to set. The clouds were pink and purple. "We are second year residents!"_

"_Meredith!" Richard called running after her. She turned to face him. _

"_Yeah Dad?"_

"_I need a picture!"_

_They all groaned. "Seriously, Dad. I'm not three." She rolled her eyes. _

"_No, but you are my daughter." He chuckled. "And the board wants a picture for a magazine or newspaper or whatever."_

"_Fine." She groaned. _

_Alex pulled her into his arms by her waist. She giggled and kissed his cheek. Christina rolled her eyes and moved into the picture. Izzie got one of her bubbly smiles on her face as she and George moved in beside them. Alex rested his head on Meredith shoulder. _

"_Smile." He smiled. They all smiled as he snapped the picture. "Thank you guys."_

"I remember that day." He said coming up behind her.

She smiled to herself. "Yeah, me too."

"Want a drink?" He asked disappearing into the kitchen.

"No, I'm fine." She returned the picture to its spot and sat down on the couch. He eventually returned with a beer in his hands.

The silence returned as he got comfortable in one of the chairs. "So we need to talk?" He said after about five minutes.

She looked at the ground and nodded but said nothing. After fidgeting in her seat for awhile, she looked at him unsure where to start. His face stayed unchanged.

"Alex, I… I honestly don't know what to say." She said.

He tensed up a little and sipped his beer, but didn't say anything for a while. She felt like a five year who broke her mother's vase and was getting the silent 'look what you did' stare.

"What do I have to say to make this better?" She asked as tears welled in her eyes.

"Just tell me why? I've spent years wonder why." His voice was a little cold, but she understood why it would be.

"I needed to get away." She answered honestly.

"From me?" He nearly yelled. "I thought we were okay. I thought you loved me." He felt like a little girly but didn't care.

Tears raced down her cheeks. "I do."

He ignored that she said 'do' instead of 'did.' "You've got a funny way of showing it." He was now pacing the room. There she was sitting in front of him, and he didn't know what he should feel. He felt the love that he had for her still there, but he also felt anger.

"Ale, you have to understand…"

"Then maybe you should explain it, because it's all kind of fuzzy. One minute you were there, then you were gone." He yelled.

She opened her mouth to say something, but her phone cut her off. She removed her tearful eyes way from him long enough to find her phone in her bag sitting beside her.

"Hello?" She answered as she sniffled trying to keep her tears at bay.

"Meredith." George's voice came.

"George, I can't talk now. I'm…"

"Madi's awake. She's looking for you."

She looked at her watch. "She shouldn't be awake until tomorrow."

"She really wants you, Mer."

"Alright, I'll be right there." She stood up drying her eyes and hung up. "I have to go."

"Meredith." His voice had softened greatly. He was worried she'd leave for good again. Sure, he was mad, but if she left again then there would be no hope. And he really needed hope. Even after all those years, he still held out hope for them.

"Madi… She's… I really have to go." She walked to the door, but he grabbed her wrist. She turned to look at him. "I'll be back." He could hear the promise in her voice, and even though it was probably stupid, he trusted her and let go off her wrist. She gave him one last apologetic glance and walked out.


	21. Everything She Wants

When she got to the hospital, Madi was awake but groggy

When she got to the hospital, Madi was awake but groggy. She was talking to George making small, tired hand gestures mumbling short choppy statements. When the door opened, they both looked over. George pulled himself to his feet and smiled.

"Hey, Baby." Meredith smiled and kissed Madi's head.

"Hi, Mommy." She held a wavering, tired smile. "I missed you."

"I missed you too. How do you feel?"

"Sleepy."

"Get some sleep, Sweetheart."

"Where's Owie?" Owie was what Madi called Owen whenever she was sleepy. It had become a habit that Meredith always found adorable.

"He's with Grandpa. Get some sleep, Baby." She said softly.

"Okay, Mommy. I love you."

"I love you too."

Meredith watched until her daughter's eyes fluttered shut before sighing and looking up at George. "Thank you, George."

"No problem, Mer."

She waved for him to follow her out of the room. They found and abandoned exam room. He hopped up on the table while she sat down in the rolling stool. Silence lingered for awhile before George decided to break it.

"What have you been up to?"

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I went to see him."

The news had taken him by surprise. This was Meredith Grey after all. She avoided everything until she was forced to face it. For her to go and face her past head on was shocking to say the least.

"And…?" He cautiously coached.

"And..." She sighed without removing her eyes from the tiled floor. "He yelled a little, but I didn't expect anything less, I guess."

He stared at her for awhile before nodding. "Small steps."

She continued to stare where she had been. "Small steps." She repeated. When she finally looked up, he could see the tears that lined her eyes. He could see all the pain and sadness she held behind those tears. "I really love him, George. I don't know how to stop."

Slowly, he nodded. "Give him time to adjust. He loves you."

--

She didn't come back. He restlessly slept listening carefully for a knock at the door. But it never came. He lied awake for hours at a time just listening while he silently pondered what had gone on. Doubt, fear, sadness, and confusion overwhelmed him. Should he not have yelled? Should he have let her explain? Where would they be if she hadn't left? He envisioned them married, maybe with kids. They would have been happy spending the rest of their lives together. But that all seemed like an impossible dream that he would never reach. But he didn't want that anymore, right? He couldn't love her. She broke his heart. Then why did he feel this way? How come when he saw her waiting on the porch did he have the urge just to kiss her? When he first saw her at the hospital, why did he just want to take her in his arms?

He tried to push his thoughts to the back of his head, but it seemed impossible. He'd be tired in the morning.

--

The next morning, she woke up in the rock-hard chair. Madi was still asleep because of the pain meds. She kissed her daughter's cheek and pulled herself to her feet. She wasn't sure when Richard would be in, so she headed down to the cafeteria for some coffee. After telling a nurse to keep an eye on her, she walked to the elevator. When the doors opened, she was met with Derek's and Mark's gazes. She just gave them a nod not having the effort to talk. Derek had another idea.

"Good Morning, Meredith. How was your night?"

"I really… don't want to talk about it." She sighed.

"Oh, what happened?"

"My daughter just came through surgery. What do you expect? I'm in Seattle for God's sake." She snapped before sighing again. "Sorry, Dr. Shepherd. I'm not in a good mood today."

"It's alright." He said with an almost cheesy smile that used to make her melt. Now it just reminded her of past betrayal. When she started her internship and he was chasing her, that smile was all she needed to feel happy. But now, it was so… cheesy. Alex's smile was always had a different effect of her. When ever she saw him smile, she just wanted to be in his arms or lying next to his warm body. It seemed like so long ago, before all these secrets and broken hearts, that it seemed to be so easy to take advantage of. But after last night, she wanted to be in his arms. She wanted him to tell her it'd be alright. She wanted him to kiss their son's and daughter's cheeks with a proud fatherly smile. She wanted him to teach Owen how to play catch and fight off any of Madi's future boyfriends. She wanted him to know his children and love them. She wanted him to love her again.


	22. Nothing Is Changing

"I talked to him

"I talked to him." She sighed and looked up at Mark who had sat across from her.

"That's a start."

"It's not even close to a start. I haven't even brought up the fact that I'm madly in love with him or the fact that he has children. What kind of screwed up person am I?"

"Nothing that can't be fixed."

She sighed. "Well, Sloan, I believe you have more faith in fate than I do." She stood up. "Once you've burned as many bridges as I have, it's hard to get back to where you started."

"Then you just have to find another way back, don't you?"

"If only it were that easy." With that she walked off.

--

"Dr. Shepherd." Meredith said when she saw Derek walk in.

"Meredith." He replied with a "McDreamy" grin playing his lips. "Good morning, Madi."

"Good morning, Dr. Shepherd." She answered.

"You seem to be more awake today."

"I napped."

"Good." Derek chuckled.

"How is she?" Meredith asked.

"In perfect health from what I can tell."

"Besides the whole resent surgery thing." Meredith said sarcastically.

"Of course." He chuckled again. "Besides that, her CT says the tumor is gone. And as far as I can tell, her motor, memory, speech, vision, and so on are all perfectly fine. But I'd still like to keep her a few days to be sure. Then she'll be released into your care. Though, I suggest you get her checked out again in six months to be sure."

"You think it won't come back?"

"I'm nearly positive. It was small, localized, and there wasn't much proof of it being aggressive enough to come back. But, protocol…"

"I understand." Meredith smiled. "Thank you, Dr. Shepherd."

"Your welcome."

"Can she leave the room?" She asked before he walked out.

"With a wheelchair? Yes."

"Thank you, again, Dr. Shepherd."

"Your welcome, Meredith." With that he walked out.

"You hear that, Baby? You're going to be just fine."

"Good, I don't like being in the hospital."

"How about we get your brother from Grandpa and get you some lunch in the cafeteria?"

Smiling happily, Madi slowly sat up. Meredith helped move her IV around the bed and lifted her into the wheelchair.

--

It was fairly warm outside when they walked out onto the outdoor patio. She carried some food in one hand and pushed her daughter in the other. Owen walked along side Madi with his hand on the armrest to help push. Meredith found a table and moved a chair away so the wheelchair would fit. She lifted the tray of food and set it and the tray she was holding on the table.

"Are you okay?" She asked Madi. Madi nodded and gave her mother a small smile. "Okay." She kissed her nose before moving to help Owen into his seat. "Need anything, Bud?" She asked once she set his chicken tenders and soda in front of him.

He shook his head sticking a piece of chicken from into his mouth. She got Madi her chicken and soda too and sat it in front of her.

"Thank you, Mommy." They both chirped at the same time.

"Your welcome." She smiled as she sat down and opened her salad. She hadn't eaten that much since Madi was admitted to the hospital, so she was hungry now that the food sat in front of her.

"Hey, guys." George said as he stood in front of them.

"Hey, George." All three said at the same time.

He chuckled at their unison. "How are you feeling, Madi?"

"Okay." She shrugged.

"Good." He smiled. "How are you doing, Mer? I heard you went over, but Alex won't tell us what happened."

"It didn't go great." She sighed sadly.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Later."

He nodded. "I'll be around…"

"George!" Izzie called from across the cafeteria as they walked in with Christina and Alex. Alex eyes met her practically pleading with her. She stared at him for a few seconds before dropping her eyes to her salad.

"You better go." Meredith said.

"I can stay." George protested.

Shaking her head, she forced a sad smile. "You shouldn't lose them for me. You deserve more than to pay for my mistakes."

"Things will get better."

"I keep telling myself that." She said giving him another forced smile. "But, things are yet to have changed."

"Give it time. Talk to him. He loves you. Even if it's hard to see now."

"I'll see you later, George."

He nodded. "I'll see you guys later." He smiled before walking away.


	23. The Talk Part 2

That evening, Richard and Owen came in to watch Madi while Meredith took a break from it all. She was planning on taking a ride on the ferry and getting some new clothes from Richard's place. But somehow she ended up sitting on the porch again waiting for his return from work. Rain was falling from the dark clouds that blocked the moon's light making the night seem even darker. The air was cold and damp, but it didn't bother her. Using her feet, she made the swing sway gently as she watched down the street for a pair of headlights. A few cars past but none turned into the driveway.

After about an hour of waiting, she began to wonder if he'd be coming home. He wasn't on call, but with all the time that had past for all she knew, he could have another place somewhere. In her mind she went over all the possibilities of how the night could end. Most of which terrified her. But she knew she had to do this sooner or later, and putting it off didn't seem like much of an option.

Finally, at nine-thirty a car pulled into the driveway. She watched as he turned the car off and opened the door. She didn't make an attempt to let him know she was there. Mostly because she wasn't sure if she could find her voice yet. He wordlessly walked up the yard to the stairs and glanced over at her.

"What are you going here?" He asked.

"I promised I'd be back."

He couldn't help but smile at her giving her a small nod as she stood up and waited for him to open the door. Pushing the door open, he stepped in dropping his things off to the side. Meredith followed quietly shutting the door behind them. He took a seat down on the couch as she sat down in one of the chairs. Staring at her expectantly, he shifted around in the seat trying to get comfortable. Neither said anything. How could they? They were at a lost to what they were supposed to say.

"Alex, I…" She sighed searching for words. "This isn't how I wanted this all to happen."

"What did you expect would happen when you up and left for five years?" He asked softly as he looked away.

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she hoped the stress would disappear. "I don't know. I didn't want any of this to happen." She said with a shaky voice.

"You made a choice, Meredith."

"I know."

"What the hell did I do?" He asked looking at her through hurt eyes. "I thought we were both happy."

Her eyes shut. She didn't want to see him so hurt. It killed her to know she had done it to him. "We were."

"Then why?" He snapped.

"I don't know, okay? I just… My mother died. And I couldn't save her. Her blood was on my hands. I killed her!" She sobbed. "Then you… And Ava came. And I was so overwhelmed. I didn't know what to do or what to think. And… and… I don't know!" She rambled. "Everything was happening so fast. You were there. Ava was there. Mom was dead. I couldn't handle it!"

Silence fell between them. The light sound of the rain against the roof seemed to get louder with every passing moment. He twisted his fingers which caused his knuckles to crack every few minutes as he tried to process what she had just said. She took a deep breath willing the tears to pass which slowly they did. The sadness and shame was slowly replaced with fear as thoughts of Owen and Madi came into her head. How did she let this happen? She was supposed to be a good mother! She was supposed to protect them! Now, it might be past the point of no return. But for the sake of them she had to try. And even if he didn't love her like she still loved him, then at least she'd be giving her children a chance at a life with their father.

"Alex…" She said slowly with the calmest voice she could. He gradually turned his glance to meet hers. She could tell he was hurt and perplexed by everything, but she had to tell him. "When I left… I was pregnant." She finally said before adding, "I didn't know until I already got out there." He stared at her practically frozen in shock.


	24. Seeing Them

Five years ago, Meredith Grey left Seattle without a clear understanding of where and why she was leaving. She looked back at the hospital as doubt and pain washed over her then she turned her back on her old life. What she was leaving behind haunted her for years, and the wounds never had the time to heal. She went through life with knowing that love and happiness had once been in her reach and she decided to run away from it all. Regret killed her filling her dreams with the painful memories of that day, the day her mother died and she saw the love of her life in the arms of another woman. But even all that pain hardly equated to the amount of pain she saw cross Alex's eyes as she told him of their children. Yet as she sat there and tears rolled off her cheeks, she couldn't stop imagine being back in his arms once again.

"Their names are Madison Lynn and Alexander Owen Kerev. They are four years old. And, um…"

"I can't do this right now." He said in a low voice without looking at her. "I need to… process things."

She was a little caught off guard, but what was she supposed to expect. This was a huge bomb to drop all at once. Nodding, she stood as her fingers fidgeted around with her bag. He didn't move from where he sat, so she silently made her way to the door, grabbed her jacket, and walked out. He cringed at the sound of the closing door. So many thoughts ran through his head as he angrily kicked the coffee table over.

--

After she left his house, she drove for an hour with nowhere to go. She didn't want to go back to the hospital with fresh tear stains down her cheeks. She didn't want her children to see her like that. Instead, she pulled up in front of a familiar dock and got out. She paid for a ticket and boarded the large ferry without a word to anyone who stood nearby. It wasn't long that the gate was closed and the boat began to move. The wind blew through her hair as she leaned against the railing. Fresh tears made their way down her cheek, but she didn't move to wipe them away. She didn't know what would happen in the near future, and it scared her to think about it. Where would she go if he rejected them? There was no way she could stay in Seattle knowing that he wanted nothing to do with them, but there was nowhere else to go. So many thoughts cluttered her head overwhelming her.

--

Richard stood when Meredith entered. She gave him a sad, unconvincing smile.

"Hey." She whispered taking her jacket off before walking over and planting a kiss on both Owen's and Madi's cheek, who slept in Madi's hospital bed.

"Where'd you go?"

She sighed. "Alex's."

"Oh… How'd that go?"

"Not great."

"What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it tonight, Dad. I just want everything to be okay. I want to go back five years and not get on that plane."

Richard engulfed her in a comforting hug and sighed. "I know, Mer. Things will come around."

--

Sleep didn't come to her that night. She didn't expect it to. She just sat there, staring at her beautiful children's faces as they slept. Around eight the next morning, they awoke.

"Mommy, I'm hungry." Madi said.

"I'll be right back." She went to the nurses' station and told them she was taking Madi down to the cafeteria for breakfast. A nurse came into the room and helped her get into a wheelchair with her IV still in place. Owen helped Meredith push the best he could with his small size, but he was determined. When they got down to the cafeteria, she got them some pancakes, chocolate milk, and a coffee for herself then found a table in the inside cafeteria. The kids quickly began shoveling pieces of pancakes into their syrup covered mouths as she sipped her coffee. She couldn't help but smile as they spoke of SpongeBob. Her eyes caught glimpse of him before he saw her as he, Christina, and Izzie walked in. Their eyes met just as Christina led the group towards the coffee cart. His eyes were full of hurt, but he didn't try to break them away from hers until he noticed the kids. She watched as concern washed over him as his eyes moved to Madi and Owen. She sighed heavily when Izzie pulled him out of sight.

"Mommy, do you like SpongeBob?" Owen said excitedly.

"I love SpongeBob!" She said with forced excitement.

"Yay!" They both cheered happily. She smiled at them before glancing in the direction he disappeared.


End file.
